Graham’s Story: ‘Samuel Kant’ Thursday, 4 February 2010Posted by edincityoflit in Stories.
Years ago, I was working on an oil rig with as disparate a bunch of comedians as you’ll find anywhere. One of them was a Cockney renowned for his bad language, and this was no mean achievement in an environment where Lord Mayoring was the normal form of speech. Listening to him day-to-day, I realised that he had made a significant discovery: he knew that all the troubles of the world were the work of a single malevolent entity by the name of Samuel Kant. I wrote the following poem a few years later, in memory of those days. I always carry it in my head for days when Samuel Kant is really putting a spanner in the works.
from SAMUEL KANT
There’s a geezer dahn the street
ooze always pilin’ on the ‘eat,
ee makes yer look a stupid berk,
it siz fault when yer plans don’t work,
ee cocksy tap,
ee pulls it dahn,
life turns ter crap when eezer rahnd,
jast when yer think yer’ve cracked it,
yer find eez rabber-dacked it.
s’inaff ter make yer want ter rave and rant.
yer know exactly ooze ter blame,
yer even know the geezer’s name,
it’s Samuel Kant.
Graham Starmore is a book designer at Windfall Press.